What has been happening..
So just a heads up, this is going to be awkward and uncomfortable. So if you're not prepared maybe you should read this later.. or not at all. And I'm typing as I'm thinking so it should literally read like my thoughts.
To start off, I've been really unstable the last few days emotionally. On Sunday I almost broke down crying trying to stock the shelves at work, I don't know why but my mind was stuck on this.. this thought I can't explain, I went to the back and tried to go into the cooler to collect myself, but my coworker happened to be in the way and saw my expression. Before she could ask me what was wrong, I just started bawling and shaking.
About a month ago, a day or two after Christmas, my friend/roommate and I had a falling out, in turn we strictly became roommates. Issues regarding the apartment arose and the tension between us grew. We had agreed to stick it out until the lease ended at the end of March, in which I had planned to stay and help my sisters by having them live with me (the roommate and I had both agreed that it was okay for my sisters to stay with us in their time of need. They've been with me since October.), and the roommate would move somewhere else (she didn't say where). The past few weeks she would leave for days, being gone maybe 5 out 7 days of the week, which was fine, she could do as she liked as long as she paid rent right? Friday and Saturday, she gathered all of her things and moved out while I was at work, giving me maybe a day's notice.. Honestly I was kind of thrilled, the negativity that hung in the air would be gone and maybe I could think ahead! Then realization kicked in , HARD, on Sunday. All of the shared responsibility, was now solely on my shoulders.. I had to pay the whole rent myself.. on top of everything else. I don't have enough money right now for this.
My coworkers gathered all around me as I bawled, "did someone say something to you? What's the matter??" I hate being this vulnerable, the walls that hold all the pain and the things I can't handle just started to crumble. I haven't even properly mourned for my dad yet, the wound still as fresh as the day it happened. Then there was this! Just thinking about it makes my eyes well and my chest sting. The words that came out of my mouth were jumbled and I can hardly remember them.. I told them, basically, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do and I'm scared to ask for help.
I was the only person that could help my sisters, our family a mask of smiling faces that care when you're near and barely know who you are when it doesn't involve them. How can we depend on that? I'm more concerned about my sisters than myself but together, I was petrified! Am I going to be able to afford rent? What about groceries? We need Internet otherwise we can't look for work to try to mend this. I'm trying so hard to keep from buckling under the pressure.
The sweet, sweet ladies that work with me, my coworkers, offered to help pitch in for groceries when I need it and I am so grateful! But I feel so ashamed to have to depend on them. I feel so much shame for feeling this way now and I'm on the edge of crying from it.
The apartment office was giving me so much hell. All I wanted was to get my roommate off the lease since she moved out and get the locks changed, but the amount of bull and confusion was just uncalled for. I had to go 30 minutes out of town TWICE to get a stupid paper notarized just to find out I'll have to do it again later due to a past roommate. I'll have redo the lease soon..
I already paid the rent for February so I have a home, for now. Internet paid too, so at least I have distractions. I may have some assistance options from work so we'll see.
Sigh.
On a side note, I'd like to thank my friends for being here for me even though they didn't know what was going on. I know I put up a grinning face and laugh a lot and try to stay positive but sometimes, so easily, I fall apart.
Thank you everyone from Mist-hotel/ Memor Manor, you have been a relief from this anxiety and appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I love our talks.
Alright, I think that about sums it up.. or at least to the best of my current ability. Thank you for reading, if you did. Thank you for taking the time to check this out.
Meme'd again
its a comment and i'll meme come back ~ ♥
(1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your DA page.
(2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
(3) Tell you what element I believe you belong to (e.g. water, fire, air, etc.).
(4) Tell you which one of your OC's is my favorite.
(5) Ask you a question, and you must answer.
(6) Tell you something I like about you or your art.
(7) Give you a nickname.
(8) Tell you what am I doing right now.
(9) Tell you what food/ flavor/smell you remind me of.
(10) Tell you to do this in your journal too, if you haven't already.
Welp, here it goes~
I did a thing
Welp, it happened again ahah but with a different game, one I didn't run away from!
Just lots of talking, like lots.
Same as the first, the beginning is buggy, but I don't think I can fix it much right now *no skills*
Look forward to Cry of Fear Part 2, as I will start recording that when I get up in the morning //no life (I will have a fucking stuffed animal with me if I must to stay brave!
)And of course, Ori and the Blind Forest part 2 <3
Editing takes forever, dudes. Why didn't anyone warn me OTL haha
Should I just keep updating this journal when I have a new video? Or would that get really annoying? I just want to keep y'all in the loop as I love y'all an' all.
----------
Aug 2nd, 2016
I'm not sure if it's really good or bad but either way it was quite the experience and I want to do more after work tomorrow.
I'd love to hear what you think <3
Excuse the first 30 seconds, I don't know if it is going to edit out the blank space or not..
Now y'all can actually see who I am 0_0... dun dun DUN
Excuse me while I run away again
AHH-
*hides in all my embarrassment*
For my darling, Meo~
Personal quantitative section.
1. First thing's first. What's your name?
Sabrina, used to be called Dark on here
..hmm what do you call me now? XD Vah? That works too, yeah?
2. How about your age?
23
3. Gender?
Female
I’m an absurd excuse for a laaaddy
4. Birthday?
October 12
5. Birthplace?
Dallas, Texas (US)
6. Height?
5’ 2” (I think, haven’t checked in like 5 years)
7. Weight?
Pfffffffffft too much
8. Zodiac sign?
Libra
9. Birthstone?
Opal and Tourmaline (I love opal)
10. Heritage?
Uh.. shii-
Some sort of white mutt mix haha
1/4 Korean 1/4 Italian
A smidge Native American… uh
Whatever my dad had-
---I need to look this up someday
Personal qualitative section.
1. Eye colour?
hazel blue
I really don’t know what my eye color is
Gray blue green thing
2. Hair colour/style. Is it your natural hair?
Long, dark brown wavy hair, with several gray strands
3. Current fitness?
Not good enough
I want to learn marital arts one day though, so mm
If I ever have enough free time maybe with my sister?
4. Skin tone?
Pale white
Opaque? Ha
Romance Section.
1. What's your sexuality?
Straight, I guess
Asexual really
I like guys but not interested in that sort of intimacy
2. Current relationship status?
Single
3. How many relationships have you been in? And could you give a brief description of them?
One. It was with a guy that I was friends with, and well I fell for what I thought was him but he was different from what I saw. Needless to say, I’m glad it’s done.
4. What is your favourite feature of your preferred gender?
Although I really like eyes, I don’t really have a preference.
I tend to fall in love with a person’s personality before their appearance.
Just be a good person, and not be corrupt by the ways of this world.
Although, I do have a strong attraction to Asians ahha
5. Are you a virgin?
Yep. I don’t mind. I prefer it this way.
6. How often do you go on dates with your partner? (If you currently have one). Perhaps tell where you went for your favorite date?
I don’t.
I enjoy staying home and playing videogames, though.
7. If you aren't already, do you hope to marry the person you are with?
I don’t plan on marriage. Or really a relationship for that matter.
8. If you aren't in a relationship then do you have a crush on someone?
Yes.. I do..
I will admit I have a HUGE crush on Markiplier, he’s helped me through some rough times..
And a small crush on Jacksepticeye, he’s been there for me too.
Not really any crushes I have a chance with, though.
Not even them anime / videogame crushes //sobs
9. Where is your favourite spot to be kissed?
Um, I’m not really sure. Lips? Cheek?
10. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Um.. 9th grade, I was umm 17?
Seven Deadly Sins Section.
1. Would you be considered a glutton?
Yeah, I likes the food, a lot.
2. A sloth?
YES. I’mma lazy bastard
3. Lustful?
No, not really. Nope.
4. Envious?
Yeah, at times, yes.
5. Wrathful?
Yes, very much yes. Once my patience runs out.
6. Greedy?
Not really, no.
7. Prideful?
No. Not very much.
I probably should be more, though.
"Naughty" Section.
1. Ever done crack?
Nope. That shit is bad for you
2. Smoked weed?
Nope.
Know some people that do though.
3. Done meth?
Nope. That shit is bad for you
4. How about tried speed?
Nope. That shit is bad for you
5. Heroine?
Nope. That shit is bad for you
6. Shrooms?
Nope.
Know some people that do though.
7. Do you often drink?
No, I dislike the taste and smell. I hate it.
8. Do you watch any form of pornography?
No. I do run across some manga with some scenes every now and then, but I try to avoid it.
9. Ever stolen something?
No, not that I am aware.
10. Ever abused or bullied someone?
No.. I don’t think so.
11. Ever been arrested?
No.
12. Ever cheated on someone?
No, but I think I was cheated on.
13. Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
Nope.
14. Have you ever abused the use of over the counter drugs?
Nope.
Education Section.
1. Are you still in school?
Summer break, in college
May take the semester off for work, plus there aren’t many classes available that I need.
2. If so, then what grade?
3rd year? Technically I guess.
3. Your best subject in school?
Art.
4. Worst subject in school?
Science and English
5. Did you drop out of school?
No, just a small break.
6. If you are in college, then what is your major?
Fine Arts, but I want to work with videogames.
Family Section.
1. Describe your relationship with your parents.
Dead
2. Relationship with your siblings?
Best in the world, and definitely Partners in crime
3. With your family in general?
They’re great people, but I’m not as close with them as I would like
I live a ways away from them and I’m not very social.
4. Ever experienced the death of someone close to you?
Yes.
Life Section.
1. Do you have a lot of friends?
Not a lot, but enough that matters. I love the ones I have and that’s enough.
Even if I don’t get to see them ;n;
2. Would you consider yourself a loner?
Yeah, 90% of the time. But sometimes I need company.
3. Describe your style of clothing.
Mostly black shirts with nerdy designs and blue jeans, and vans.
Although I would like a more defined style, I don’t have the money for it. =/
4. Briefly describe your childhood.
I was a weird quiet, shy girl. That wore boy t-shirts, because they had cool designs like dragons, and had almost no friends. I clung to my sister that had a love/hate relationship with me, and always hung around my dad. Got into Girl Scouts and was the weird one there, that only wore black. Detested people and loved drawing monsters and creatures, got into DeviantArt from my sister’s recommendation. And here I am, not really any different haha.
5. Best memory.
Times with my friends and family.
Times with my dad..
6. Worst memory.
Losing my dad.
7. Best aspect of life right now?
Getting my life together and actually have a job.
8. Worst aspect?
Hard to keep ahold of money, home sick
Religious Section.
1. Do you have a religion?
No. Atheist.
2. Do you believe in God or a form of intelligent design?
No.
3. Do people need to live by morals or just live to have fun?
People need morals in order to have fun with others. (Taken from Meo, her words were perfect)
4. Briefly describe your top 5 most important beliefs/moral standards.
STOP REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR
Be a better person and take care of one another
Have an open mind and an open heart
Take care of yourself but don’t screw over others
Don’t be an assbag
"Life Sucks" Section:</ub>
1. Do you have any allergies?
Bees and wasps
2. Addictions?
Food
Videogames
3. Health problems?
High blood pressure
Bad eye sight
4. Permanent injuries/scars?
Not that I am aware
Favourites Section.
1. Color?
Green and Black
But I also love the light orange and blue combination
And the cool colors, green, blue, and purple.
And
And
I JUST LOVE ALL THE COLORS OKAY?
I LOVE RAINBOWS
Rainbows are the best
2. Style of music?
Mostly rock
And rock variations
3. Food?
My dad’s cooking
My sister’s cooking
My Nana’s cooking
Food
4. Drink?
Tea
Fruit Juice
Smoothies
5. Outfit?
Non-work clothes
6. Animal?
All of them
I don’t have a favorite but
Rodents are so adorable
7. Plant?
I kind of want to get a moss ball aquarium
8. Book?
The Leviathan series
And the Hobbit/Lord of the Rings
9. Movie?
There’s so many..
10. Song?
Ahhh too manyyyy
11. Album?
I CAN’T
12. Band/musical artist?
I’m sorry but-
13. Actor/actress?
Uhh I don’t really have favorites
But I do like Brad Pitt every now and then
14. Hobby?
Drawing, cooking, sleeping, gaming
15. School subject?
Art
16. Sport?
Kendo
I really wish I could do this ;n;
17. TV show?
I don’t really have one, but I do love a lot of shows
18. Pass-time?
Doodling, watching YouTube, and sleeping
19. Candy?
Only once in a while
20. Pizza toppings?
Pepperoni
21. Dessert?
Ice-Cream
Smoothies
22. Fruit?
All of them? Yes? Yes?
Pineapples are good too
23. Type of pie/cake?
Nana’s apple pie
24. Flavour of ice cream?
Strawberry ice cream with strawberry chunks
Strawberry cheesecake ice cream
25. Weather?
Winter, cold, with snow
Or a nice cool, rainy day
26. Time of day?
Evening/night
27. Word?
Incessant
Incomprehensible
Aurora
28. Smell?
Apple cinniomon
Vanilla
Cherry Blossom
Food
29. Sound?
Rustling of tree leaves
30. Vacation spot?
Eh
Would you rather… (please briefly explain your answers.)
1. Live in the city or country?
Country
2. Travel by plane or by boat?
Boat
Never been on a boat though
3. Be deaf or blind?
Deaf
4. Wear hardcore gothic clothing or dress in all pink?
Definitely the hardcore Goth clothing
I’ve actually always wanted to dress like this
5. Stay human or be an animal? (If animal then what animal and why?)
I don’t know.
6. Be surrounded by rowdy teenage guys or preppy teenage girls?
I’ll take the guys anytime, I only have so much sanity haha
7. Stay at home or go out and party?
I’m a hermit, so home is the place to be
8. Have a pet dog or a pet cat?
…both? ;~;
9. Only be allowed to eat candy or only be allowed to eat raw fruits and vegetables?
Fruits and vegetables, dude
10. Play video games or exercise?
Sorry, I have to say video games, they’re a passion of mine
11. Read or watch TV?
Probably TV, it holds my attention longer
12. Draw or paint?
Draw
13. Only be able to yell to speak, or be mute?
Mute
14. Continue this meme or go do something more interesting?
I got this far, so
Personal Opinion Section.
1. Opinion of your appearance.
Uninteresting weird thing
2. Opinion of your personality.
Needs improvement
3. Opinion of your family.
Pretty good, I guess
I’m closest to my sister <3
4. Opinion of your friends.
Holders of my heart <3
5. Opinion on religion
To each their own, just respect everyone and get along.
6. Opinion on homosexuality.
Pride!
Love is for everyone!
I’m glad my sisters can be with each other
7. Opinion of school/work.
//dies
8. Opinion of modern society.
I.. I just… I’ll stay home forever, yeah
What was the last…
1. Movie you saw?
Hush (Horror/Suspense)
Metropolis (Anime movie)
2. Book you read?
City of Fallen Angels… can’t get through it gaahhah
3. TV show you watched?
Nikita (crime drama)
4. Thing you ate?
Supper (pasta)
5. Thing you drank?
Orange juice
6. Piece of art/literature/poetry you did?
A drawing of Spyro the dragon for a letter (I think I might put it up later)
7. Person you kissed.
…I don’t remember, I think my sisters
8. Person you texted/Instant messaged/emailed?
My sister
9. Time you exercised?
Everyday at work, ugh
10. Dream you had?
I don’t remember
I know I had one where Markiplier and my dad were in the same dream, I liked that one
11. Thing you favourited on deviantART?
Mockorange for deceit by shilin
12. Animal you saw?
Do flies count?
13. Time you cried?
Hmmm
14. Time you laughed?
2 seconds ago
15. Time you were furious?
Yesterday
Have you ever…
1. Punched someone?
Yes, mostly playfully
2. Kissed, or done more with, someone of the same gender?
No.
3. Thrown up on someone?
No
4. Been thrown up on?
No
5. Been to a rave?
No
6. Danced on a table?
Nope
7. Had a hangover?
Nope
8. Flashed someone?
Ha never
9. Sneezed more than 3 times in a row?
Ugh like 15 times in a row
10. Found a large(ish) amount of money on the ground?
Umm 25 cents?
11. Gambled?
Nope
12. Won a bet?
Yeah, I guess
13. Lost a bet?
Yeah
14. Hugged a zebra?
Nope, unless it’s a plush
15. Been terrified by a street mime?
Never seen one
16. Found a clown under your bed?
No, but that fucker would diiiee
17. Seen a ghost?
Nah
18. Talked to an inanimate object?
Of course
19. Yelled at an inanimate object?
OF COURSE
20. Punched an inanimate object because you were mad at it?
YES actually
My old computer screen was glass, so I got lots of relief from punching it
21. Been caught doing something "naughty" by your parents?
Nope.
22. Ever sang in the rain?
Sang inside while it rain haha
23. Danced in the rain?
Yes
24. Eaten sugary junk food until you threw up then ate some more?
Hell no
25. Managed to burn water?
No, but Jessica has haha
Final Section
1. Did you like this meme?
It was alright, a tad long
2. Would you do others that are similar?
Eh
3. Are you glad this meme is over?
YES
4. Now who are you going to choose as the meme's next victims? (Tag people if you like, not required.)
MadHydra tagged me so I can’t tag her XD;
She already tagged Jessica AlyxHavok
Jessica tagged Mary MaryLReddell
And Aldo uugh StarandCake
I don’t know people aagagshhhh
and nadyuki-sensei is gone //SOBS
Where did you GOO?!
DeviantArtist Questionnaire
1. How long have you been on DeviantArt?
I've been a member of DeviantArt for 8 years, since October 6th, 2006. 6 days before my 14th birthday, I begged my sister to make the account for me heh, frankly I was too scared myself.
2. What does your username mean?
Originally, my username was Dark-the-Mysterious, which was a stupid name I came up which on the spot and thought was cool. I was really into Sonic the Hedgehog at the time and wanted to have a “cool” name like that. I always liked the idea behind dark and mysterious things so I thought maybe it suited me since I kept quiet and tend to stick to myself. Not so sure it worked that way.
Vaheedria is a name I came up with but “stole” from the game Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance II from my favorite character, Vhaidra Uoswiir, a drow monk. Though, through my youth and inability to read well/dyslexia I misunderstood the name and made up my own. Many thanks to my dad who spelt it for me through many pronunciations.
Vaheedria itself doesn’t mean anything, it is just a name of my own. So, I guess it means me, myself.
3. Describe yourself in three words.
Procrastinator, good-for-nothing, creative.
4. Are you left or right handed?
Right handed.
5. What was your first deviation?
<da:thumb id="42848230"/>
This was my first deviation due to the fact I didn’t have a scanner and only drew with pencil back then. I am frankly disappointed that is was my first picture but I was a different person then.
6. What is your favourite type of art to create?
Digital/Traditional, I enjoy both forms but I don’t have a scanner so I can’t do traditional as much as I would like. That and I don’t want use up all of my prisma color pencils, my parents got them for me and I have a hard time letting things go.
7. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
I think I would want to learn watercolor and realism. I find them both beautiful and both incredibly hard to understand.
8. What was your first favourite?
Though I’m sure I went back and deleted some old favorites this the first I found. Though the piece is still good, I still enjoy it. My first favs seem to be dark, I’m sure I’d fav these again if I could.
9. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?
A wide variety, though I love beautiful backgrounds/landscapes. I even have a folder in my favorites for them, though I’ve been lazy to put the newest ones in. I’ll do that later.
vaheedria.deviantart.com/favou…
10. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?
I don’t just have one. I have many, so many that I don’t really know who’s my favorite. Though, I do love my friends’ art. I love a lot of peoples’ art.
11. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
I think I would meet all of my dA friends, and a lot of artists that I watch. I would like to meet a lot of people, though I’m sure I’d be too scared to actually say anything. TT//w//TT;;
12. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?
Oh yes, quite of few of my dA friends have made a difference in my life. They are my joys in life, just like my family and friends that I get to see. Though I might not say much to them at times, I watch over them and love them very much.
13. What are your preferred tools to create art?
I like to use a Pentel mechanical pencil, I think that’s what it is… I’ve been using it for a few years all the wording has worn off, oops, that I stole from my mom and any paper really for traditional, though I would prefer good drawing paper. XD And for digital I use a Wacom Intuos tablet that my friends bought me.
14. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?
Home. I miss home, I’ve been gone a year or so.. I miss it really bad, but home doesn’t exist anymore… I don’t think I’ll find a new one like the one I once had.
I haven’t been drawing much lately but I hope I can get back into the groove soon enough.
15. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?
All of them, really. Though I have forgotten some memories, I do enjoy the ones I have made.
To many more years, DeviantArt! We can get through anything, together.
#DeviantArtistQuestionnaire